Shy means a little withdrawn and not interested in having social interactions. Our society has labeled it a bad thing, but I think it’s a way for children to cope with their surroundings. It can be negative if the child never grows out of it.

What happens with a shy child is that there’s a lot of anxiety in him. As child care providers, we need to find a way to ease the child into a new social setting. Children are social critters; when they are ready, they will interact, but it may not be necessarily within the same time frame of other children. So when we see a child that’s apparently not interested in making friends we see a problem.

One way to get a shy child to make friends is to talk with them and prepare them at the beginning of that day for the possibility that he or she will meet a new friend. The more we talk to them and get them used to the idea, the more the child can prepare himself. Little by little and with a lot of patience on the part of the adult, the child will develop friendships.

In my child care, we call each other friends. I address them as friends and treat them as such. This generates a positive attitude in the group and towards each other. We also try to partner the most outgoing child with the shyest one.

I once had a child who wouldn’t say much at first and I wondered if she talked. Once I partnered her with one of the more outgoing children they began to read together, have lunch together, play together and then she started venturing out to the rest of the group.

I choose not to use the word shy, I prefer to say reticent. Certain children need to observe before they feel comfortable with how they will engage with their environment as well as their peers. Some children can jump right in and others can’t.

I always speak to the children in my care before a new child comes in. The benefit of home child care is that it is a smaller group, more intimate environment and it lends itself to friendships. So when a new child joins the child care, I say to my kids, “Will you please welcome Johnny to Smart Start.”

The best tool for children who are shy is to not make them feel pressure and to never push them into doing anything they don’t want to. Bring a toy instead so they can engage with other children, before you know it, they will have a new buddy.