Rough and tumble play allows kids to take some risks, as far as physical activity. Adults are sometimes uncomfortable with rough and tumble play because, to them, it symbolizes aggression, whereas to children, it symbolizes competence. Adults have forgotten how to play and instead construe the rough play as aggression and conflict.

Rough and tumble play is different from aggression. Kids aren’t always smiling during rough and tumble play – sometimes they’re working hard to demonstrate their ability to be competent – but generally, it’s in the spirit of play. Aggression has a spirit of dominating and intimidation.

Boys find it especially appealing because rough and tumble play addresses their need for power and motor skills competence. They’re imitating what society gives them as male role models. Often, they’re imitating how adults play with them at home. For boys, it gives them an opportunity to touch each other. Society doesn’t give men and boys the opportunity to touch each other. Rough and tumble play enables men to have contact with each other in a way that society agrees with.

A child care provider should manage rough and tumble play so it doesn’t turn into aggression. You should constantly supervise the play and have children help come up with the rules. Make it part of the structured day. Rough and tumble play doesn’t have to always involve touching other children or being combative. It can be a noisy center with cans to kick, or plastic bottles to throw against. It can be an obstacle course or even a punching pillow. It could be lifting medicine balls or running with 5 pounds of flour.

A child care provider should make sure the play doesn’t turn negative by checking in with them regularly. Ask the kids, “Are you playing or are you fighting? Do you both agree with this play?” Give both of the kids the opportunity to option out of the activity. Children are exposed to too much media violence which could negatively influence their rough play. Our society is moving toward where everything needs to be more and more extreme. It’s something society has to reflect upon as far as the images that are presented to children. Kids can wind up getting frustrated, however, if you don’t let them have an outlet for their energy. Rough and tumble play can help provide that release.

In my program we try to set up rough and tumble play in a safe environment. For us, rough and tumble play is usually a planned activity. If kids want to do tumbling on a mat or tug of war, that’s different than tackling someone because they took your toys away. Physical contact is hard for some kids to handle. It’s not necessarily a comfort zone for them. It’s not something we push, but it’s something we offer kids if they want to participate.

We do rough and tumble play at my school. We set up rules for whoever wants to wrestle – you can’t touch from the head up, no shoes, etc. You need to set up the rules beforehand and let the kids know that they can say stop when they are ready to stop it. Rough and tumble play needs to be supervised. I wasn’t comfortable doing it at first, but once I saw how they liked it and how it encourages them to engage, I saw its benefit. Once they expend that energy, they come back inside and can focus better.

Rough playing can turn into aggressive play if it isn’t monitored. If one kid hits the other hard, they will say, “I didn’t hit you that hard” and it can turn into a fight – with boys or girls. When they are playing, they aren’t trying to hurt each other, just rolling on the floor and laughing. But when you see serious faces, you need to get involved and stop it. It’s up to the adult to tell the difference.